


Been Here All Along So Why Can't You See

by xLoveMx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, i will just keep hurting myself with these, jealous Jester, past caleb&astrid, there's a hopeful ending though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: Astrid, who was pretty and smart and who didn’t even hesitate to get close to Caleb. Astrid who was a great dancer, who knew so many things about Caleb he didn’t want to tell her and Astrid who made Jester want to smash the bottle of ink she’d been pushing around the table.
Relationships: Astrid & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 100





	Been Here All Along So Why Can't You See

**Author's Note:**

> Jester has feelings for Caleb.  
> It's the hill I will die on. 
> 
> ANYWAY. Enjoy a bit of jealous Jester in this piece that just wouldn't leave my head! x

It was almost funny, how this was the way Jester found out.

It wasn’t the way he made her smile, even if it was the furthest thing from his mind, or the way her stomach swooped whenever he was near, or how he always seemed to know just what to say to make her feel better.

No. It was the way Caleb was hunched over books and notes, with Astrid leaning over his shoulder, whispering things and occasionally reaching out to point something out on the page.

Astrid, who was pretty and smart and who didn’t even hesitate to get close to Caleb. Astrid who was a great dancer, who knew so many things about Caleb he didn’t want to tell her and Astrid who made Jester want to smash the bottle of ink she’d been pushing around the table.

Neither of them had really wanted to return to Rexxentrum, but since Vess DeRogna had some sort of job for them starting next week, Jester hadn’t really paid all that much attention, they had gone back and with nothing else to do for a few days, they had eventually been approached by Astrid. Apparently Trent had tasked her with going over the notes he had taken on the beacon, and since they had worked with it, or well Caleb had anyway, she had asked for his help.

No one had really felt comfortable with the whole thing, but as long as they were scheduled to work for Vess DeRogna Trent wouldn’t touch them, and all of them knew Caleb had given the beacon away long before he had been done studying it. Jester remembered how his eyes had lit up just a little bit when Astrid had mentioned all the notes he would get to read.

_Or maybe they had lit up because of her_ , A voice in the back of Jester’s mind whispered, and she grabbed the bottle of ink a little tighter.

The first day everyone had been cramped in the small room, watching Astrid and Caleb work. Fjord and Beau had both made attempts at helping but had gotten bored rather quickly and decided that Caleb was a grown man, who could take care of himself for a couple of hours a day.

Jester, however, had refused to leave.

She didn’t understand any of the writings, let alone the glyphs and runes, and yet she had stayed, because leaving Caleb alone just didn’t feel right. She still remembered the fear in his eyes the day they had walked into Rexxentrum for the first time, and how his hands had been shaking when she had grabbed them.

It was frustrating, however, because this time around he wasn’t there to tell her that she could knock Astrid’s block off, like he had done way back in Rosohna, when he had studied spells with Essek. No, this time he was too engrossed in the notes, lips curving into a smile ever so often whenever Astrid pointed something out to him.

_“You know, I could just make her trip and fall,”_ A familiar voice broke the silence, and Jester caught sight of the Traveler’s green cloak beside her. For a moment she was tempted to agree, simply because it would give her a moment of satisfaction and distract her from the way her stomach was twisting.

“No...he would know it was you.” She then whispered, biting her lip to hold back a sigh.

_“Jester, Darling. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel then?”_ It was easier said than done, really. She had made her affection for Fjord known and been constantly shot down, and that had just been a crush. What she felt for Caleb was different. It was wanting to be around him all the time, filling half the pages of her sketchbook with him and feeling butterflies in her stomach whenever he smiled at her or said her name.

No, the stakes were much higher here. Her crush on Fjord had faded, and they could still be friends, but if Caleb turned her down then she wasn’t sure what she would do, or if she could keep seeing him every day.

“You’ve spilled some ink,” It was Astrid’s voice that pulled her from her thoughts, and Jester looked down at the mess of ink that now covered half the table and her hand, before her attention was pulled in by the other woman holding out a rag. Blinking, Jester took it and wiped her hand first, trying to ignore the way her cheeks were heating up with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t ruin any of the notes...” She then muttered, but Astrid didn’t sound angry at all. Her voice was calm and almost soft, and Jester wondered if that was how she really spoke, or if it was just part of the training she had received.

“Don’t worry, Caleb already read all of those and...”

“...when he reads something, he never forgets it,” Jester completed the sentence, now finally glancing back up to see a smile on Astrid’s face.

“Exactly,” She nodded, and Jester briefly caught sight of Caleb watching them from across the room, but his expression was unreadable. She then quickly tore her eyes away and went back to trying to clean the rest of the ink from the table as best as possible.

“I could try mending...” She muttered to herself eventually, biting her lip as she continued to rub at the wood, but the ink had already seeped in. Blinking again, Jester noticed that her vision was getting slightly blurry, and her stomach was twisting again.

_Oh no._ She knew that feeling all too well, and usually she was great at concealing how she felt, at putting on a happy face, but her feelings were threatening to spill over like the ink just had. With Caleb, keeping everything inside was harder, because he saw right through her. He’d never outright say it, no, but he’d find a way to let her know that he was aware of her struggles, and that he would do whatever he could help.

This wasn’t something he could help her with though, because it was the one thing she couldn’t talk to him about. Biting her lip a little harder, Jester sniffled, finally giving up to try and clean up the ink.

_“Darling,”_ The green cloaked hand reappeared in her peripheral vision then, and Jester watched as the ink slowly faded both from the table and her own hand. She blinked again, a few tears falling down her cheeks now.

_You should go,_ the voice in the back of her head spoke again, and it was probably right. There was no reason for her to be here, it had been her own stubbornness that had kept her around, and maybe also that small masochistic part of herself that she usually kept hidden. She could have left Caleb and Astrid to their own devices, but she had insisted on staying, and now she had embarrassing herself.

“Jester,” This time it was Caleb’s voice that pulled her out of her thoughts, and his fingers gently lifted her chin. “It’s been a long day,” His eyes were soft and Jester’s heart was beating incredibly hard against her chest as she held her breath for a moment. He had grown so much from the scruffy, dirty man she had met at that tavern not but a year ago. He was handsome and his eyes were kind and soft, searching her own for something Jester wasn’t sure she could put into words.

Wiping at her eyes she quickly nodded, “Yeah...I just...I didn’t sleep well last night...” She then found herself muttering an excuse, even though she was sure he’d see right through it. He always did.

“We’ll stop for now then, ja? Maybe we can get some pastries on the way back to the Inn, see what the others are up to.”

At the mention of pastries, Jester’s stomach grumbled, and Caleb’s lips curved into a smile that made her heart miss a beat. “Yeah...yeah, but....don’t...I mean...what about Astrid?” She then found herself asking, but Caleb simply nodded over his shoulder.

“She’s been gone for five minutes, said she had other business to attend to.” Jester blinked the rest of the tears away and glanced around the room, only to find it, in fact, empty.

She wiped her face again with one of her sleeves then, before finally getting up and smoothing out her dress. Caleb was still smiling, waiting as he offered her his arm. She looped her own through it quickly, feeling her cheeks heating up again ever so slightly.

_“You know, I don’t think she has any business to attend to,”_ The Traveler’s voice cut in and Jester couldn’t help the way the corners of her lips turned upwards just a little.

“Aren’t you glad you didn’t trip her up?” She whispered back, which only drew a laugh from her best friend, while Caleb raised an eyebrow as they stepped out of the building.

“Hm?”

“Nothing. Come on, I need some of these pastries. I’ve been craving them all day! It’s a shame we haven’t even tried one bakery in all of Rexxentrum and this is our second time here already!” She quickly nodded, already pulling him along, and Caleb’s laugh echoed through the air as he went with her.


End file.
